Awake... and failing...

I don't know what it is... I just feel like I am failing... as a person, as a father, and especially as a husband. I know that my wife and daughter deserve so much more than I am giving. I want to give them the world... but I know I can't. I feel like I am not even coming close. What am I doing here... I have so much to live for, yet... I feel like I am not living. The depression... it just overwhelms me! And it really doesn't help when people who really don't understand what is going on try to tell me it is going to be ok, and I need to be strong and fight through it and move on with my life. It's like WTF! I mean if it was really that easy don't you think I would move on.... and live a normal life? I mean FUCK! Its so frustrating, sometimes I just want to scream! Sometimes, I just want to sit alone in a dark room and cry... but I am to the point where I don't like to show my emaotions because then people start worrying about me. My daughter and wife deserve so much more... so much better. Just had to get that off my chest thanks all for listening...

EMDR Therapy

Well, I start my EMDR Therapy tomorrow, can't sleep right now cause I am kinda nervous. I know it is probably gonna help, because it has had a history of high success rate, but my therapist told me that is gonna get worse before it gets better. She said I would have to go back to the hardest things... the things that bother me the most, and I may get really depressed and emotional, but that is part of it. That really scares me! The thoughts that go through my head are still so vivid even though it all happened over 5 years ago. Anyways... wish me luck!