War...

War is like a drug. Actually... the firefights, and the threat of being fired upon... that is the drug. Its a high like no other. When you get used to feeling that way, for a year straight, and then you come home, you want... no you need that feeling again. I guess that is why I like to watch war movies. Wether they are about the Iraq War, or WW1 or even WW2, I still get a taste of that feeling. Not enough to satisfy, just a taste. It makes me want more. My heart starts racing... my palms get sweaty... I want to be there... I want more... I want that feeling. You may think I am crazy... but I don't think you could understand unless you have been there. Just a little food for thought...

Its been awhile...

Just thought I would give everyone an update... things are still pretty tough. I am still learning to live and deal with all these mental problems I have. I hate the fact that I can't stand to be around people including friends and family without feeling super uncomfortable and just wanting to get away... get back to my room, my safe haven. Don't ask me why I feel safe there, I just do. Maybe because it is dark... maybe because it is quiet... I couldn't tell you. I still get depressed, but I try not to let my friends and family know... because that isn't the person they knew or know. I know keeping it in isn't good, and I know it isn't gonna get better, but i do what I have to do, and that is why I see my Psychologist weekly. We are working on it, and she is great. In the past few years I have seen many different Psychologists, Psychiatrists, and she is the only one that I actually feel comfotable with and really understands where I am coming from. So that is a good thing. Anyways, just thought I would give you all an update because it has been awhile... until next time...