To say I feel like I don't belong is an understatement. I am constantly asking myself why I am still here... Why I made it back. I just have a feeling that I don't belong... I feel that way especially with my family... Not just my wife and daughter, but my parents my sister, cousins, aunts and uncles. It just doesn't seem like it use to be before Iraq. I just don't feel like I belong. I feel like a stranger in my own life. The thought of death is constantly in my head and it is always so tempting. I don't think I could kill myself because it is the cowardly thing to do, but the honorable thing to do... An honorable death would be to get killed in war, defending our country, dying for a reason. I don't know why I have these thoughts, but I do and I think I will always have them. I just have to keep learning to live with them. I've learned to push everything to the back of my mind... And just keep all this shit to myself... So guess it's on me. I dunno I know this is all fucked up but this is what goes on in my fucked up mind. Sometimes I just don't know how to process all this bullshit. I have two reasons I'm still here... My daughter and my wife, and I still feel I don't deserve them. But whatever it is what it is... I know I'm not the only one who has these thoughts...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone 4
