Friends and Family

So I have had time to let it kinda sink in that one of my childhood friends is gone. When I found out... it just hit me hard because I can relate to the feelings he was having. After I wrote the last blog... I got a lot of messages from friends... letting me know that everything is gonna be ok... and that people do care about me. I never doubted that... but I still feel like my problems are a burden to my friends and family. I mean having to hear about it all the time... not being able to handle doing things like going out or going shopping because I cant handle being around too many people. I mean if you were to put yourself in that position... where you just dont feel safe around other people... i think you would feel the same way.

A lot of times I sit here and just feel like I am alone. I feel like the walls are closing in and I am trapped. I hate that feeling. I hate feeling like it would just be easier for me to just go away. But... it happens... I do feel that way, and I am trying to learn how to deal with it. I know if I was to take my life I would hurt a lot of peole. But sometimes it just seems like it would solve a lot of things. I really dont know where to go from here... but all I can do is take it day by day... and if I do get to a place where I feel like I am better off just ending it all... i will reach out to my family and friends... and just hope to be reminded why I need to fight through this.